Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

To my precious love

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Dedicate to my daughter Sanudi Gunawardena with love .....





For once, I'm at a loss for words.  Maybe not so much at a loss, but there are so many things I want to say that I just don't know where or how to begin.  This post is less about words and more about feeling.  It's about emotion.  It's a glimpse inside my heart, not my mind.  It's about my daughter who played the role of a mother and sister and a friend for the past few days as I was not in good health and hardly didn't have energy to walk. I was impressed how beautifully and confidently she played my role at the young age of 13. Past few days taught me how precious my little girl was to me and how quickly that little baby I held in my arms 13 years ago have grown up. Words would never describe what I felt of her and as I cuddled her in my arms last night and showered with kisses, I looked into her big black eyes and I said '' Every mother in the world should have a daughter like you and all the mighty God's above should protect you '' . As she smiled and kissed me back I felt how lucky I am to have her as my little girl.



When times seem too hard to bear and I feel like giving up
I vision your beautiful face,the twinkle of your eyes 
The bond we created from my womb to the day you were born
Is a mother and daughter bind that can never be torn

With the strength and guidance of God above
I want to be the best mom I can be to you 
And embrace you with all my love
As I watch you grow with all the charms

You are as precious as a flower and as gorgeous as a rose
You have been specially made to the very tip of your nose
You are as sweet as honey, such an innocent young child
You are brighter than any star in the sky every time you smile

I want you to be proud of who you are and strive to be the best
Put forth your efforts to achieve your goals and let God do the rest
I will always be your mother first, but I'm also your friend
Your are the most precious love, that I've ever been given

With All My Love,
Ammi

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 6:19 PM, ,

Scars of love

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I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.

Even though it's been a while I still weeps for you late at night, when sleep does not come easily. I weeps for the one I miss deep inside. I weeps for the dreams on the touch from tips of your fingers. I weeps so hard and so much and so often. So you don't have to. So you can carry on. It weeps for you.
 
Remember the times we endlessly talked for hours till dawns of a new day?  I felt so close to you then. Part of me knew what you had to do and where you had to go but in that moment… I’d have given anything to stop you.I still stare at the sky at least once a day. Hoping that one day, I’ll see you again.

Nature crowned you with dew as you work while I watched. Like a web after the rain. Like stars in the night sky. I didn't want to disturb you,I just wanted to sit and watch a while longer. Picturing  them in my mind. In that moment. Freeze it. See every detail. Hear every sound. Smell every scent.Those stolen moments would carry me through the pain.

But these memories of you  aren't just created on my skin, but in my mind and in my heart. You are gone now, maybe never to return, but many of these places you created in my soul would always  remain.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 3:27 PM, ,

Under the moonlight stars

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When the night falls and stars bright so high
I feel your warmth holding me tight
Although we are many miles apart
I feel you so close at heart

Our love so strong and run so deep
We hold each other in our sleep
Loving each other in our dreams
It's much more than what it seems

I stand alone under the bright stars
Feeling lost in the bright moon light
I gaze upon the stars to see you smile
Glowing on the stars for me to see

A shooting star bring you close to me
Whispering echos of my silent prayers
Up above angels guiding you to me 
Into my arms as I wait for you to come

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 5:24 PM, ,

Untouchable

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The feeling you get when you think of something amazing then forget it and know that it felt amazing but you can't remember the details. Then, minutes later, you remember it again and you're so grateful because you nearly lost something amazing, forever. Except, this time, it's a person. Not an idea......It was YOU.

You are the threshold to my life, without you here I cannot build these walls in which is needed to carry me through life. I had forgotten how I much I miss you until now. I have forgotten how I much I love you. Sometimes tears pour in and hard to hold on as you are so far away from me, in a place untouchable.

You are the silence between the notes. The white space between the letters. The missing link that makes everything else, a something. I want to strum my fingers gently  across your skin, like I was playing the slowest love song in the world and only you and I could hear it. You are a drop of perfection in an imperfect world. And all I need, is a taste. So when I end, I'll know I had all the time I could get, with you.
You are the foundation to my life. I need you, but I can't. I miss you, but I won't. I'm dying for your touch, but the memory is all I can have.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:34 PM, ,

Before I leave you tonight

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Let me leave my heart in you
Just before I leave you tonight
My heart needs your sweet embrace 
To keep it from falling down

Before I leave you tonight
Take me in your arms and hold me tight
Stay in my dreams all through the night
Calm my fears with your guiding light

Before I go, press my lips tightly
Taste the sweetness of my body
Hold me gently in your arms one more time
Press your body so close to mine

Before I let you go 
Whisper sweetness in to my ears
I need your loving magic touch 
Call out my name in a tingling blush

Before I let you go tonight
I want you to know these thoughts of mine
When twilight shines in its magic ambiance
I will come to you again to make you mine

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 7:54 PM, ,

Stolen moments

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The moment of silence between you and me, felt like an eternity. Silently watching you smile, talk and laugh made me fall in love with you more and more. When you are lost in deep thought and as I watch the depth of your eyes and the curve of your lips. I watched your hair dancing in the soft breeze of air while your mind was in deep thoughts. Those silent moments between us made me closer to you in mind and body.  The soft glances you give me once in a while and the shy smiles that pass between us, have it's own silent messages of love. 

The golden ambiance of your love is all I wanted to hold on, it is your love which have given me life and it's you who made me find the smiles I once lost long time ago.  Every dark cloud has a silver lining and that was what you were in my life. You walked in to my life when I have lost faith of living, when I was lifeless, when the pain and hurt was surrounded. I have given up the battle of living and the days just passed by, meaninglessly. Many days I've spent drifting on through empty shores, wondering what's my purpose ,wondering how to make me strong.

Your presence became a meaning to live, a meaning to live for and slowly I found my way to the smiles I lost. You became my journey of life and through my lifeless fingers your love became a strong pillar to lean on.  Silently as I watched you this moment I thank the God above for making our paths meet and silently I pray that all the love and happiness in the world should be with you in all walks of life. Thank you  for loving me and all these stolen  moments between us will be precious memories in heart, which only us will understand. 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 6:58 PM, ,

Dwell alone

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                                                                      Photography - Tabish Q. Nayeemi


Life of my lonely soul 
Lies beneath the Tuscan sun
I  was always filled with grief
Peace is all what I wanted

Silent cries can't be heard or seen
No one seems to notice my tears
Life is never fair is what I thinks
All alone wait to ends of life

Stars at night was life companions
Enjoying the long winter silence
Emptiness wrapped all around 
A genuine tear will be more meaningful




I silently hide my self because I don't belong to the out side world, to my land or in this world. In this path there's only me because life has forsaken me , sending me under the abyss to dwell alone in my pain. i'm alone, lost, forgotten, dying and fragile and have become lifeless in the path of time. I have become restless in my own way and have become a ghost within my soul. I'm tired of life now and feel I can't walk any more or have lost all grip to hold on to life. I need to lay down where I can be alone from the world, where voices of other will not disturb me.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:26 PM, ,

A prayer for you

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Heavenly Lord up above
Please protect the man I love
Lead him with your guiding light
Keep him safe both day and night

Comfort him when things go wrong
Stay with him when nights are long
Take my place when I can't be there
Silently whisper how I really care

Guard the one I love that so
No matter where he go
Keep him safe as safe can be
Always protect him with all you can

When his days and nights are too long
See that nothing goes wrong 
Heavenly Lord up above
Please protect the man I love so

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 3:30 PM, ,

Will you stand by me ?

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                                      shayne ward - stand by me



The hardest thing in life is to dream about some one and to wake up to find out that it was just a dream. You existed in my dreams and I could sleep forever just to see you in my dreams. The distance between us has made you untouchable to me, yet you exist in my world and in my life ....Silently.

Some times the need to be with you, to feel you and show love is like a fire inside which needs to come out with desire. To hold your hand and to walk down the endless road till this life journey comes to an end is a dream which is yet to come true. It was not lust which made us stronger, but the love we have which has crept into our hearts like drew drops.

This love we have is beautiful and unforgettable. This is perfect in it's own imperfection ways. Your love have made me stronger and us together have fought storms yet stood with each other as one. When days turn into nights and I slowly look into your eyes to see my future, safe in it's own core. Looking back I have realized that this love between us will never fade away as we have passed the hardest of days.

There may come a day that I need you more than ever, where I'll loose my soul and only my breaths would be alive. There may come a day that I'll feel so weak to walk this life alone and need a strong hand to pull me up my feet again. There may come a day that the whole world would stand against me and I may feel alone and afraid and I will need  loving arms around me to tell me that every thing will be fine. There may come a day that I'll be unlovable and I may need a loving heart to keep me loving till I find my self back. There may come a day that I'll hit the bottom of life and I may need a helping hand to stop me from hurting my self. 

There may come a day that I need you in my life than I ever did and I may want you to love me as you have never done. I may need you to stand by me like a guiding star and protect me like a king who protects his kingdom. I will need your care to make me realize my own worth of life and your love to realize that I was worth loving for. Finally, I may need you to stand by me and for me at the moments where I would silently call your name at the most unbearable moments of my life, believing deep in side that you will stand with me with all you can. 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:59 AM, ,

My endless love

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                                                          Endless love

Remember that things happen for a reason and if it was meant to be,it wouldn't have ended. We should not cry because something is over, we should be happy that it happened. Many people touch our lives in different ways, some stay for a long time while others only stay for a season to show us their magnificent essence for a purpose. Then there are the people that stay forever, which ultimately are the ones that count. The heart is like a compass. It either leads you closer to a person or it shows you another way. If its meant to be, it will be........


When we first talked to each other I knew we would always be friends. Our friendship has kept on growing and I'll be here for you till the end. You listen when I have a problem and help dry the tears from my face. You take away my sorrow and put happiness in its place. We can't forget the fun we've had. Laughing 'till our faces turned blue, talking of things only we find funny. People think we're insane laughing like kids and only if they only knew the fun of those countless smiles and hearty laughs.

But, what no one knew was that I fell for your charm and friendly manner,your kind heart and your honesty. I fell in love with you for countless of things and in a strong and powerful way you held me close to your heart. Your words comfort me and your smiles held me in a deep place where I felt peace. Your silent looks on me provoked untold feelings where you made me cared and loved in your own way. 

There's only you in my life now and you have become my every breath and you have become my every step. This heart of mine is filled with love to you and looking deep into your eyes I find a place for me, a place I longed for, a place in your heart. 

Words would never be enough to say how much I appreciate you coming into my life. You are a friend, a teacher and a lover who have gently guided me through all walks of life.I guess this is my way of saying thank you for catching me when I hit the bottom and when I hurt my self. Thanks once again for being such a blessing in my life and being here with me through it all.







posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:51 AM, ,

While looking at you

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When you thought I was not looking
When you forgot I was next to you
When you were lost in your own world
And I kept staring at you with out a blink

Why, I love you so I kept asking
But answers are yet to be found
Your eyes filled with peace 
And your smile embraced with love

Endless of time I can keep looking
Every time I keep loosing my self
I'm lost in your words and smiles
And each moment is precious than before

When you though I was not looking 
I fell in love with you more and more
With every little expression on you 
Made me smile alone for a while

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:51 AM, ,



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