Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

A message and a prayer

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                                Pic - Google
                                                  Mariah carey - Never forget you


To my love,

I missed you so much, as I always do, but today is especially hard because the wind has been whispering  to me of our life together. I can almost feel you beside me as I write this letter, and I can smell the scent of your perfume through my nostrils and the tender touch of your fingers on my face. I close my eyes to feel your presence in me but slowly your visits have become less frequent and I feel the greatest part of who I am is slowly slipping away. Where are you my love? I am lost with out you beside me and I am slowly falling apart .

I am trying to find my self with out you but it has been difficult and still deep in my heart I feel you. Most of the time I feel so alone and when ever my heart aches for you I silently call  you and you always seems to find your way towards me. Last night in my dreams I saw you smiling at me. You have the most beautiful smile I ever saw in a man and you kept calling for me. I walked towards you and you took me in your arms and kissed my forehead and embrace me tightly. I long for this moment and this is all I ever wanted, to be with you and find peace. I am here to love you darling and to hold you and I am here because there's no other place for me to be.

We were in each others embrace for a long time and slowly the heavy smoke of mist starts to form around and the fog which is creeping at us indicates it's time for us to depart. I want to stay in your embrace for ever my love, but I know it's time for you to go. As my eyes wet with tears of letting you go, my heart fill with loneliness I would feel, and in your eyes I see your own sadness. As the thickness  wraps around us I slowly slip away from your touch as I know it is your place and not mine. How I longed to go with you my love but till my time comes we both know I have to stay. I watched you walking away from me to the dark mist to a faraway place of your own, to a place where I don't belong, where I don't exist and where we are not together.  

I think of you all the time and dream of you every night.This is all I can do and what's left of us, but these are not enough for me. You were my every thing and without you I am nothing now. We were meant to find each other in our lives and we were meant for each other. We found each other among all odds and our journey ended even before it started. My life alone is drifting slowly to a unknown destination. Nothing in life is same as before and the emptiness I feel have no words to explain. Every now and then I search for you and it's a never ending quest which I know will never find it's way. Your presence is lingered in every place, in every corner of my world and still your laughter, your words and your face is all I see around me. Those endless stolen moments, with the desired tender magical kisses , the long sleepless nights and funny stories with your love still haunts me and I know the day I let you go from my life is the day I join with you to be placed in your arms where only we would exist in our own place, we call home. 

Rest in peace my love.....

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:38 AM, ,

Lonely or alone

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There is a great difference between being lonely and being alone. Many people are alone and lead happy lives.

Everyone experiences loneliness. Some humans are more socially accepted. Some who try to be social remain socially rejected, and some have difficulty even trying. Loneliness should not be equated with a fear of being alone. Everyone has times when they are alone for situational reasons, or because they have chosen to be alone. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individuals control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is therefore unwilling solitude. Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than just the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected, or rejection from other people, so that it feels difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often feel empty or hollow inside.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:49 AM, ,

Memories of a stranger

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It's been a while that I wrote any thing about you or us and today you silently crossed my mind. Your memories entered my heart with out any permission and even though it hurts, I keep you tightly wrapped in my thoughts. From the moment you entered into my life till the moment you left my side every single minute is captured in my heart, mind and soul.All the laughter and the tears, the smiles and silly arguments, stolen moments and magical kisses were our own way of loving each other. 

The romantic nights wrapped in each others embrace and listening to music for endless of hours are still the magical and unforgettable memories we have. Many a times I wondered why I fell in love with you or why I loved so much but all my little heart knew was that I can never love another man the way I loved you. I gave you all my love and yet it was not enough to keep you inside me. I don't know if I gave you less or you wanted more.....All I knew was I gave you my best.

When I felt you descending from my orbit of love, I kept on holding on tighter to you, loving you more but nothing stopped you and with an aching heart I watched you slowly walking away from me. Today my little heart is empty with out you, aching for your touch and wishing you back, but I know that you have walked so far way from me to a place that I'll never see or hear again. You left me with life long precious memories which I would hold on for many years to come.Your love is  still lingers in my thoughts and your simple ways still buries in a very deep place in my heart.

I thought you were my destination in life but you were just a passing stranger who stopped for a while to show me what love is all about and how to love back simply. You taught me the value in little things in life and how to hold on to things which matters most.You left me with so much to remember but mostly you left me with the most purest love in my heart and with the most precious memories to carry my whole life. 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:50 AM, ,

I too had a love story

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                                  Pic - Google

A love I had , which was mine but never was mine..........

The by gone memories of youth is now have become a passing memory of age. As days months and years have gone by I silently dwell of the thoughts of a beautiful love I once had, which was mine but never was mine.  A man I met accidentally but who played a part in my life all through the passing years. 

It was not a love filled with miracles but a simple story of love between a man and a woman who met in an non existing world but a love which was powerful to carry through out life in extraordinary circumstances. It's a story of courage of two people who vowed to be together and it's a story of fate which they kept crossing each other's paths all along. It's a story about discovering love which at times broke up but also had the power to keep together and a love which created distances yet kept closer and a love which was in it's deepest purity. 

As my weak eyes decent to the the empty skies, your picture  which I have seen long time ago is still fresh as it was the first time we met. Every single detailed is finely secured with it's own beauty and I do some times wonder how you look now.  The soft curls on your hair may not be there any more and with touches of grey hair , wrinkled skin and poor eyes sight you may look like what I picture of you now. How fast the decades have gone and how much things around us have changed, but through this time we have lived in each others hearts secretly. For all these years I kept writing of you, every thing I remembered and every thing I never wanted to forget. Every thing I felt for you and still feels. The magic of our love which we shared many many years ago. 

The very first time I ever saw you and very first smile you gave will always be precious as you are. Every special moment we shared, every laughter, every smile and every tear which crossed our paths and the stolen moments which I kept staring at you are forever memories of your deep existence in my heart. Moments of weakness and moments of strength, showered with words of courage was all we could share. The deep longing to hold you and to be embraced in your arms became a forever dream and the miles kept us separated of decades of time. Though it was a short period of time and as silence crept between us, we drifted apart but for some reason I couldn't let you go and I held on to every single detail about us and you.   

It's a many years back you slowly stepped away from my life and even you didn't admit I know it's for my own well being but what you never knew was how much I suffered in pain of loosing you but that didn't stop me of loving you or keeping you in a very sacred place in my heart. It is that love which kept me happy in all passing years and as I turn back the memory lane there's nothing I regret about you. It was meant to happen and even it's short period of time the memories I gained was endlessly beautiful. To this day I don't know how you are but as for the passing years I will keep praying for you and as long as I pray I will know that you are protected and be safe.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:33 AM, ,

Our Love Songs

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Again it was the memories I behold very deep in my heart, memories of a love which was mine but never was mine.........It's you and us together which has created such space in my heart. It was our endless times together and sleepless nights spend in hours listening to our most loved collection of Love Songs. Every time when we were alone we kept adding songs to our collection and kept listening to them till early hours of morning and this collection became Our Love Songs. 

It was not just the songs but it was the lyrics  which made us listen to them as every song had a story we shared. Every song reminded us of the love we shared and who we have become. All those moments I spent with you were precious and every single second is deeply encarved in my heart. Those stolen moments which I kept looking at you for endless of times and the stolen glances of love between us and simple smiles always made our togetherness perfect. Those were our cherished moments and those are memories at heart for both of us. It was not just the our eyes which were locked through the music but our hearts as well. It was not the lyrics of the songs but notes of our hearts which synchronized together in a blissful harmony. It was our love songs which made us close from heart and soul and gathered thousand priceless moments of our love. 

It's sad that those songs still bring memories of our time together and many times I have traveled through the time of pace to be with you from my mind. I have felt the love in your eyes as I captured every emotion of your face in my heart and though my life is empty with the void you left, I still listen to the Our Love Song collection and from mind and heart I spend every second of life with you. Till I live my life I will keep and value what we both held together and maybe one day we may listen to those love songs again .....And till that day I will keep listening and feeling you with me, deep down. 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:39 AM, ,

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