Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

I am in love . Are you in love ?

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LOVE ..... the most amazing and beautiful feeling in the world . From looking at a person we are able to say weather that person is in love . All through our lives we have been loved by so many people . Starting from parents , sisters , brothers , family , friends and lovers . But the word '' in love'' is different from all other kinds of love we have felt . Love is the most hardest word to be describe and no exact definition . Every single human feels love differently and will love differently . Most of time the first step in love is attraction you feel for that particular person . Love is not just physical attraction between two people , its emotional and spiritual and physical attraction and if a love is blossomed based on physical appearance very soon it will fade.
When you are in Love you feel it in the core of your heart . A smile , a word or just a mare look at you from the other person would take you to greater heights . Being in Love gives you enormous courage and inner happiness to reach greater levels of life . It builds up inner strength in you and every thing around you looks beautiful that you feel happy and see every thing around you beautiful .
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posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 2:15 PM, ,

Secret Love

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A whisper I heard in a distance
Belongs to the soul I secretly love
Under the northern sky we met
Once a stranger , you my love

You are my secret I keep in heart
You are my whisper in distance call
My secret love I treasure so much
When we are together the secret is no more

I dream of laying in your arms
Sharing our love we hide so true
It's more than attraction between you and me
It's love from heart so pure and true

I have your heart but never your name
You took my soul and made me smile
But my love I don't belong to you
Yet your love made me so complete

Your kiss touched me deep inside
In a place which was forgotten for long
Through friendship , love found its way
I'll love you for ever no matter what it may

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 2:42 PM, ,

My journal

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It's been eleven months and today a hidden wound was opened in my heart. Tears dropping like a river from my eyes and how much I tried I can't stop them . Writing this today has made me think of the past and every single memory stored in there . Do you know how much I cried for you ? how much I tried to protect what we shared ? But my tears or my efforts didn't stop you or your cruel heart .

I met you through a proposal and the moment I saw you I thought you could be a good husband and after getting to know you for a short period of time we got married a lived separately . I gave up working and became a full time house wife for you . You are a doctor by profession and never had a fixed time to come home and I understood your duties and responsibilities fully. Time slowly passed by and we became parents of a little baby son . Our son kept me busy and I was happy doing every thing by my self as I know being a doctor your duty was to help your patients who came to you with hope and confidence . You were a good doctor and was famous in your own field of Pediatrics . You came home at late nights and your excuse always was that you had so many patients and other private hospitals to visit . I never suspected you and believed every word you said .

Slowly I began to notice change in you . You spent more time out of house and when I began to complain you said you have many patients and earning for our own future and i believed you , but what liar you had been . One day my best friend called and told me that she saw you with another woman in a famous fashion boutique . I was shocked and that moment you have no idea how much I cried . I felt scared and helpless but rather than asking you I wanted to know more about you and her and I did . It was the most painful time in my life knowing that my husband find a sanctuary in another woman's arms . How can you leave me and our son and go to another woman and be a father to another son ? It was not easy to control the pain or the tears or the anger I felt for you . There were times I wanted to scream at you for cheating on me but GOD gave me strength to prepare my self for greater battles and silently I prayed GOD to give me peace .

After a month one day at dinner you came to me with and my worst nightmare was the words I heard from you . You wanted a divorce and you said that you are in love with a woman who works with you in the same hospital . You said she was a divorce and had a 8 year old son and you felt sorry for her and you helped her and in the end you fell in love with her . I kept looking at you , tears pouring down my cheeks , my heart tore into million piece's and into your eyes looked . There was no love for me or for my son in your heart or you will never be harsh to take a such derision . I love you and I still do but I knew there was no hope for us to be together as a family and I agreed to give you a divorce. I know you have been blind with your new love or you would have thought what would happen to the woman you once loved and married and to our son who is going to grow up without a father . I saw the smile in you when I agreed and for the first time I hated you . Rather than thinking of my pain you were thinking of your new life with her . Very soon the legal documents were ready and one Monday morning under the blazing sun of the Magistrate court premise's you left me and my son and walked out of our lives permanently.

It was not easy for me to see you go and the days that followed were a living hell. I cried and cried and I asked GOD what wrong I did to you .....I couldn't eat or sleep and my family stood beside me with my closest friends . They did every thing to cheer me up but it was not easy . I kept on thinking of you and times we enjoyed and our son . Days were long for me filled with pain and most of times I slept and nights became too painful and I used to cuddle your pillow and cry till morning . I lost hope in every thing and neglected my self , and I barely went out . I prisoned my self inside and didn't wanted to see anyone . There were times that I thought while I suffer , that you must be smiling with her . While my son ask for his father you must be fathering another child who is not yours .

After months of pain and tears I finally was able to move on with the help of all the people who loved me . I was able to find a teaching post in a nursery for younger kids and I enjoyed it very much . All my mornings were in the school and when I came home I had plenty of work to do and our son kept me very busy . Slowly my thoughts on you faded away and I gain courage to move on . You did cross my mind on and off but most of time I began to value my self and my new life with my son . There were times our son asked for you but after all these months even he realized that you will not come and he stopped asking about you .

Today I wrote this on my journal because to day our son turned 5 years and together we celebrated . He had some of his friends for his birthday and hid grandparents and all his aunts and uncles . He was so happy and i felt proud of him . I felt proud of our son and for a single moment we didn't miss you and finally we have let you go from of our lives . Together me and my son have found happiness and I hope where ever you are that you are happy with your new family.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:49 PM, ,

A lonely child

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Stare deeply into her eyes
Realize, the deep pain that lies
Home washed away to waters
Leaving nothing but tears...

There's future with no hope
Only darkness for a lonely child
No where to run and no where to hide
Lost in a world of unknown....

Voice of this child is unheard
No one to hear her cry
Sitting around the flood
Looking at facess , serching for love....

Look deep into the heart of this angel
Can you feel her helpless cry?
Just listen to the voice for once and for all
And you'll find the grief of a lonely child...

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:28 AM, ,

Get together of musaeites '94

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The get to gather of Musaeus College '94 batch was held at the Galle Face Hotel from 4-6 pm on the 18th of August 2012. It was indeed nice to see so many faces after 18 years . Some old buddies have changed in looks and some remain the same , but we all have changed our status from single to married and adding up being a mum . Every one was catching up on every thing they missed for the past 18 years and most wonderful memories shared was the time we spend under the wings of mother Musaeus . I was very pleased to see each and every one enjoying and laughing with their old time friends and enjoying great food which was served . After all reunions are a special time for old schoolmates to reunite and catch up after time apart.

It was not easy to organize such a event and on this occasion i would like to extend my thanks to Dilanthi Saluja Abeysundara Ruvini Gamage Anjali Wijayasinghe Nadi Fernando Prageeth Thilini Perera and Niroshini with Pankaja who gave their enormous support to make this event a success.

I would like to thank all the ladies who participated on this occasion and made this a huge success and hope to see all of you and all new comers very soon in the next get together ....

Related: Why I love my buddies

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:17 AM, ,

To my love

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Under the northern light
My eyes met yours
Millions of stars bright so shine
One shines brighter when i think of you

World is beautiful when you are near
Your arms around me i take no fear
You are presiouse my love yet so true
My love to you will stay that way too

Through the sunny days and cloudy nights
I will always stay pure and true
My love for you is never will fade
For it was true love right from the start

With the touch of your hand on me
With wetness of your kisses
The warmath of your smile
And the glister in your eyes

I will love you with all my might
In the days passed by and days yet to come
No one loved me as you did my love
You made me whole and complete

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:42 PM, ,

To my distant son

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You were once a little stranger to me
With big black eyes and beautiful smile
You took my heart and my soul
And you became a part of me

You are so far away still I feel you
Your smiles melt me when I think of you
I want you beside me and near me
But my Son , I don't have the right for you

I want to see you growing up
I want to see you laugh and joke
Distances has become between us
To take you so far away from me

I'm not your mother but let me be one
My love to you is pure and true
You have become my precious son
A Son I would love till my last breath

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:41 AM, ,

Why I love my buddies

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Kanchana Thenuwara from the Musaeites batch of '94 invited me and my daughters to celebrate her daughter Misha's 10th birthday at the Hotel Galardari on the 11th of August from 6pm to 11pm . I met lot of old school buddies whom i've not met for the past 18 years and it was indeed a celebration to see the old faces. How nice it was to catch up with old memories and the little naughty things we did in school . From the day we left school and now becoming wives and mums have not changed who we were . Every one looks the same and the difference was we had kids running around us.

A very special thanks goes to Kanchana and her husband Dharshana who invited us made this a memorable event.

The batch get together of the Musaeus College '94 batch will be at the Galle face Hotel on the 18th of August 2012. I would like to see all the Musaeites of batch '94 on this day and hope to gather beautiful memories of the past.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 2:02 PM, ,

Sharing life and holding back secrets

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Sharing life and holding back secrets doesn't work in love and life. As much as a good relationship is a cozy co-existence where you live and let live, it is also a trusting, concerned, open-hearted co-existence where you live and help live. Think about how much you yourself share and how much do you hide from your life partner and then read about it here. You dont need to answer to anyone. You will know it.  

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posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 1:30 PM, ,

Hell That We Make

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My life was just sailing with out an unknown destiny. Life was lonely and I was away from home working in the city and working as receptionist in a reputed company. At the age of 23 I was already tired of hardships of my life and I needed to care of my family from the salary I got . My room mate sheila also work with me but she is more independent than I am . She enjoy her life like a free bird and her fiance spend quite a lot of money on her clothes and accessories . I wish I also had a man to love and care for me but I'm not attractive or beautiful and I never had a lover in my life.

One day Sheila asked me to accompany her to a party which her fiance gave and I agree to go with her as I wanted to touch her glamorous life . It was indeed a wonderful party and I met lot of young men and some were interested in me .

It was a new experience to me and I liked it . When Hemal came and spoke to me I felt happy and special . He spend whole time with me and by end of the day I fell madly in love with him . He is a businessman and have a modern new car which he gave me a lift to my apartment . We met the next day and before a week he took me to his room where I became a woman by him. It became a habit in my life and one day when he took me to his room there were two of his friends and all three of them had liquor while I prepared them dinner. They were drunk and one of his friends came to me and raped me . I screamed for help but they all laughed and in the end I had to satisfy three men all night long . Those men including the man I loved paid me handsomely for what they took from me by force. That night changed my whole life . From that day on wards I had high demands from men and from other words I became a prostitute .

I was good in what I did and each day I had new customers and they kept coming back . I had so much money that I led a luxurious life . I bought things that could have never been mine . I owned a beautiful house and a new car . I became the master of my own self . I began to have foreigners and they paid me very well . Time passed by me enjoying life and providing my services until one day I got so sick that I was taken to hospital by my maid . After so many medical tests I was confirmed as a HIV positive patient and my whole world collapse on those words . Even i don't know how or when I got it but now at the age of 28 my life is going down the pipes. It was so scary and I missed having a shoulder to cry on or to hold me at my weakest . I'm not blaming anyone for what happened to me but wish thousand times that I knew the difference between love and attraction . I loved Hemal , but he had never loved me only used me for his sexual desires and for his pleasures . I kept on thinking if he had loved me and protected me as a true lover things would have been different , but now it's late to make things right.

We women love to be loved and when men show love and kindness we loose our selves to them and go to any extend to do anything to make them happy . We forget our value as a human and become slaves. Love is a feeling you feel in your heart and not in words . Love is respect and understanding . Love is protecting and valuing . Love is honesty and trust . Mostly love is a strong bond between two heart who will go on a life time journey , loving and taking care of each other .

Lastly I would like to scream to all women to choose your partner wisely or most of you would end up where I am today . Words can't express my feelings of hurt, pain and guilt but I'm paying for my mistakes.


posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:41 PM, ,

Almost famous

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I have only started my blog recently. Look what I got!

Thanks to S A J Shirazi – a Pakistani blogger that I have my first blog review 'Introducing Sajini Chandrasekera – a love blogger'. He always says "every one need to have a blog or a printing press." I can’t agree more with this axiom of Shirazi. I have started loving my blog and hope to do all what is possible to be a voice that is heard in this din, despite all the noise out there.

And I am thank full to all my readers and those who comment there (also those who lurk around – yes, I know them). Please be with me. Your input definitely makes my blog more respectful.


posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 3:56 PM, ,

Open Letter To Your Husband

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My dearest husband
I've been trying to gather my words to write to you for a long time but i couldn't think how to put my thoughts on words . Every time I try to write I keep thinking of our wedding day and every thing that happened afterwards. Can you remember how much we loved each other ? We both were very young when we fell in love but we both knew how to love each other even at young age . What a beautiful future we dreamt together. Today after decade of marriage and becoming parents we have lost that dream . We didn't dream for wealth or luxuries but for happiness and love , and what we didn't get is exactly that . At very young age I came to you and without any experience of the outer world and I needed you to love me and care for me which you did. You loved me and I knew you did and i made you my world . I cared for you and loved you and did every thing to please you . Our world was simple and we were happy and it became complete with our first baby in this world . Getting use to a baby was not easy but we both wanted to do it by our self and you helped me in every single thing .

Together we enjoyed every moment of our daughter and slowly you became busy with your work and in your own carrier and i never complain but helped you with what I can . When our second baby came things were different and you were so busy that without complain I did every thing my self . There were so many sleepless nights for me and days became too tiring and millions of times thought you were there , but you were lost in your own world and I always gave you space to archive your goals in life . I felt lonely without you and wished you could just look into my heart and feel how much I needed you and your love , but you were just too busy to notice the tears in my eyes when I looked at you . Slowly i began to live without you in my life and it was surrounded with my children .

I did my duty as a wife but things change when you treated me harshly and every word that came from you hurted me . I cried , I cried for days and those words always ripped my heart . Every day I became your prisoner and took all your mistreating s because I had to go on for my children .  You will never understand how I felt , how much tears I've shred.....How much I felt a lone and frightened. There were times I looked upon you for guidance and strength but you never had time for me and there were so many times I felt helpless . Every thing between us created distance and slowly we began to live in our own worlds. There were many times you said me to leave your house knowing that I have no where to go . Did you ever think how much those words will hurt me or wound me ? Did you ever think that I'm also a human made like you who could feel the pain just like you ? No, you thought I was a woman who can take all your hurting words on me ....only if you knew how much I cried ....only if you knew how much they hurted ....only if you knew that i bared all that because i loved you ....IF ONLY YOU KNEW .

I learnt bitter lessons alone and I don't want to give up my love for you . I loved you once and I still have that love inside me . I may not have given my best but now I know I'm giving you all the love i have for you. I want to be your wife , your mother , your friend and your lover. I know you love to be loved and pampered . I know you love the touch of my fingers on your hair and the little stolen kisses I take from you, but what you never realized was that I like the same love from you . Little touches and stolen glances with secret kisses and loving words are simple ways of making me feel you love me . Like you I love to be loved and feel it but it hurts when you don't love me even a little. When I see my friends and the place they have in their husband's lives I feel sorry for my self , but I never let you know how I felt because I know you would just hurt me words . There were so many things I never told you though I wanted to share every single thing with you .

I never had the freedom to express my self not because you wouldn't listen but because you never made me free from emotional prison you held me in .   I want to love you more and I want you to feel my love . I want to be your strength in all hurdles of life . I want to pamper you and care for you . Let me start all over again to gain what I couldn't archive and I humbly request you to love me with all your heart and let me feel it in my blood , veins and body....

I Will Always Love You .....

Your loving wife

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 3:39 PM, ,

Loving You Silently

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Silently you walked into my life
Quietly, simply and lovingly
A friend you became
With love and understanding

You became my strength
You became my pillar
I leaned on you at hard times
And smiled at moments of happiness

Felt your love for me and care in your actions
Loving you was easy and i felt it
Loving you in distance was what i did
For i'll keep loving you silently

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:03 PM, ,

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