Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Little gypsy doll

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                                                    Photo credits - Tariq's Photography

I am a 8 year old gypsy girl living on dirty riverside on the outskirts of Lahore, Pakistan. My family belongs to the gypsy colony and we are very poor who don't even have food to fill our little tummies but knowing that my parents can't effort us to give us a proper meal a day, we never complain. We gypsies beg, sing and dance, sell toys and bangles and some as snake charmers. We live in shanties which barely makes a roof above us and and our lives are less fortunate and life is harder. 

I want all Aunts and Uncles, brothers and sisters to read my story to know that this kind of life exist in this part of the world and as you, I also have my fantasies and dreams but I know they are and will be just dreams for me and to all kids who are like me......   

Day by day I use to watch the moon above and dream of lot of things which  I don't have and think why God made us so poor and less fortunate than people who have more. I don't ask for much but little food to fill my tummy, some ragged dolls to play, little frilled frocks to wear and go to school like other children. I know that I should not complain but my little heart want little things which I never had.  When I see little sisters of my age in the city dressed beautifully and wearing pretty shoes and walking with a ice cream in their hands, my little eyes pour with tears and until they fade away to distance I keep watching with a broken heart.  I have only 2 frocks to wear and I wear them till they are dirty and when my mother have time to wash. They are torn every where and no frills to glamour. I love to play with little dolls and teddy bears but my only toy which is so precious to me is a broken  doll which my dad found from a garbage bin in the city. I call her '' Anusha'' and she don't have arms but she is dressed in a pink dress and have little holes which I have covered with little buttons. Other than '' Anusha'' I play with coconut shells and mud which are the little comforts available to us. I love fancy jewelry that girls wear but as I'm unable to have them so I paint my face with charcoal and eyes with black pencil to make me more beautiful. 

There are many days that we don't have proper food and most of times its just a little piece of bread and water or some times when we go to the city to tell the fortune  of the city dwellers we get very little money to buy a bun. Journey to city is very long and tiring but  we have to go when my mother and other gypsy women go to earn some money for our needs. 

It is true that I'm a little girl who don't understand the big world but I understand the little things which is needed in my world and I miss lot of things than other girls. I don't ask for lot , but for little things which would bring a smile to me and make this little heart of mine happy. I am not an ordinary and I am different. I am a little gypsy doll and this is my story.......

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:33 PM, ,

You still lingers

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                                                 Laura Pausini - It's not good bye

There are no words to explain how I feel or how much I miss you and often I wanted to reach for your love which is no more mine. I kept on asking my self why we found each other if we are not meant to be together and some times the answers are simple and some times they are too complicated to understand. What matters now is not the questions or answers but the time we spent together which were the most memorable and precious. It's not easy to hold my self every time I keep looking at your pictures and remember every facial expression you made when you were with me. Every time I was mad with you it was the funny faces you made which cheered me up and when I am down, it was your magical kisses which healed me up. It was your words which became my strength and it was your love which made me complete. 

I feel you made me complete and gave a dream to live on but slowly you took that dream away from me and left me lifeless. It will take a long time or never to heal this broken heart of mine but I know we never said good bye and one day or some day we will surely talk again. No words can express the depth you have sink  in my heart or how hard you have encarved your name in my soul. You are the unheard story of my life wrapped in deep with secrets of smiles.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:15 PM, ,

Wish you were here

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                                                   Rednex - Wish you were here

A smile curved my lips as I remembered your pondering words whispering in my ear slowly. Words of love blended with little mischievousness still echos in my mind as you always manage to make me smile after our little silly arguments. Being with you always brings happiness and being apart from you is the hardest, yet I feel warm inside knowing you are close in my heart. There are countless moments where we can't grasp love with our hands or see from our eyes but forever we would feel in our hearts. 

You are every reason, every hope and every dream I ever had and no matter what happens to us in future, every day we are together in this greatest day of my life. I want to treasure every single moment with , all good and bad and to conquer all the reasons what made us stand so strong. There were moments that broke us apart but we both believed that there's greater reason for us to meet and fall in love and no matter what came between us, we couldn't give up loving each other. Every relation is unique in there own simple ways and so are we. We had simple ways of making each other happy and simple ways of loving each other and we shared the purest relation of love. 

Your soft kisses still lingers in my soul and the tender touch still sparks in my body . The caring ways are still wrapped inside me holding you in a very deep place in my soul. Many times we have smiled through tears and cried through the smiles. We have held each other at the most difficult of times and shared deep secrets and have accepted each others with our own past grudges. In a short time we have come a long way and still there's a long way for us to travel in this journey of love. 

Many times I wish you could be with me more often but even in the little time you spend with me has always been so precious. These little times we spend silently embraced in each others love with thousand unspoken words which only our hearts can feel. The soft cuddles and endless laughter always leave a unique existences in my heart. There are countless number of times I wish you were here with me but your love, your laughter and your loving ways will keep me patiently waiting till the next time I  become yours...

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:32 AM, ,

Tears of poverty

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                                Photo credits - Tariq's Photography

I am lost alone in a world
Where poverty is the only existence
A world torn to misery and pain
Wrapped in hunger and fear
I have lost my innocence
I have lost my rights
My voice not heard any more
My soul dead before I know
I am struggling day by day
Just to survive in cruel world
I battle to be heard for once
In ragged clothes I sober in my world

While the world go smiling around
When no one cares of the others around
Please don't hate this little me
For I have been alone for so long
Love me once is all I need
Cuddle me in your arms for while
Wipe these little tears of mine
And see me smile for a while.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:22 PM, ,

This silence

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                                                  Tony Braxton - unbreak my heart

I smiled through tears ......After a long silence I was finally able open my scared heart slowly, where you have left  the stabbed wounds of love for me to suffer alone. I closed my eyes and pictured the very first time we met and the very first smile and every event which took place after that which was filled with beautiful memories until the moment things began to shatter. I have been avoiding visiting my past with you but there are moments which you cross my mind in numerous ways and even it hurts I run back the time and hold you close in my heart I always did.

There were many times I wished things were different but love is a bond of two souls and when one leaves the one who is left behind suffers the most. I can't wash away the memories of you or the time I endlessly spent with you, yet if I had known that you will leave me with a heart shattered into million pieces or a soul with a never ending wound of love,  I know I would have still chosen to love you. I will never regret loving you or the pain I wrapped my self in loosing you,  only thing I ever regret is not being with you till the end.

I remember every little detail of us and you. I remember the endless moments we kept our eyes locked and hearts linked together  and the moments of weakness healed with magical kisses or the    moments if happiness showered with love. The little silly messages and the surprising calls or the sleepless nights listening to our love songs. I remember them all... I remember the little things which you forgot and the things that never mattered but things which touch the depth of my heart.  I miss every single moment and mostly I miss you.

It's strange how we created distance and it is sad that you walked away slowly leaving me without any explanation. I kept waiting for you but every day became further reaching for you and finally I realized that I have been waiting for a love which will never reach for me again. You didn't leave me with just a broken heart but with a damaged soul and I know I will never be the same again as you took a part of me with you. 
You took away all my smiles and happiness and mostly you took away me with you and left me with a silent soul within me. My whole being is surrounded with silence and loneliness have become part of my journey. There were endless times I wanted to break this silence between me and you but I engulf this silence because I know you will hurt me again and this fragile heart of mine is too weak to suffer a loss of same love twice....

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:33 PM, ,

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