Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

The frozen moments

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Tears fall down my cheek as the memories of you haunt me every single minute. You came into my life as a total stranger and trapped my heart in away that no one else ever had and in a blink you walked away leaving me speechless. I have never been hurt by love the way  you hurted me and never been happy as you made me. Why and how are long lost questions unanswered but the pain still remains unforgotten and still bleeds fresh blood from the heart and salted rivers of tears from my eyes which you dearly loved once. 

Remember when we lay in the beach the whole day staring at the clouds, talking aimlessly, laughing and giggling... I felt so close to you then. Part of me knew that you never belong to me and what you had to do and where you had to go but in that moment… I’d have given anything to stop you.
I still remember how you lazily lay down in the sand and was sleeping with your head on my lap. Like a web after the rain. Like stars in the night sky. I didn't  want to wake you. I just wanted to sit and watch a while longer of every single breath you took, the motion of every muscle in your body and the little sweat dew which covered your body under the blazing sun. 

The unforgettable magical kisses which slightly touched my forehead still lingers its touch where your lips touched my skin. I still feel it's love, the desire and the wants to be embrace in a innocent way that my fingers still feel the warmth of you and your love. You gave me so many little moments to carry through my whole life, so many undying precious moments and above all a beautiful love to be remembered through all times. 
Every thing about you is pictured in my mind and all moments have been frozen in my heart. Every smile, every word, every touch and every dream we had is in my soul. I see every detail of you, hear every sound through silence and smell every scent of love and they will give me strength to carry through the pain .... 

I still stare at the sky at least once a day. Hoping that one day, I’ll see you again.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 1:13 PM, ,

As years gone by

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As the dim rays of moon angel and the twinkles of little stars above with the gentle breeze silently swipes in, was a rare moment and it was after a long time that you laid your head on my chest softly for a endless of time. As my fingers played with your soft curls and echos of your simple breaths as we shared a perfect silence. It was a long silence of love and every second was a memory of our journey together. 

After a long time I watched you sleeping in peace, arms wrapped around me and every single breath was warmth to my skin. Years have gone by with out notice and after a very long time I watched you closely. As my eyes wandered through your face noticing the little wrinkles which has taken it's place with out my notice and the little grey hairs have taken a full toll......Was life busy for me to notice, I wondered now.

As my fingers played with your hair, my thoughts were carried down the memory lane and how much have changed through the years. It's true that we were never the perfect couple but with our imperfections we began to find our own selves and above all we learnt to love each other. There were many times we hit the bottom, yet together we manage to stumble up stronger and together. Marriage is not running out when the going gets tough, it's about hanging on and facing the storm and I'm glad that we did that together. 

Though years have gone and we both wrinkled down, I still see the spark in your eyes and still feel your love to me. Little kisses are a gentle reminder that I'm still yours and you, mine. All the years were precious and all moments were dearly held in heart. Every pitfall was over strength and every smile was our blessings. We have crossed many hurdles and yet many more to come and together, I know we can. 

As I smiled looking at you and holding you, I don't regret being with you and loving you. I still love the little cuddles you embrace me with and the little whispers which you silently moans into my ear. I love the way you hold my hand and little secret kisses we steal time to time have become my favorites. This long journey may have more hurdles for us and with you I am stronger to face them and may we have more blissful years to come .......... 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:06 PM, ,

Silently ...for you

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                                                           John  Legend - All of me

I smiled ......My eyes have always wandered in search of you and after a long wait of patience my eyes found you and the joy I felt just being to be lost in your presence was more than I could put into words. My eyes froze with yours, as your lips curved a beautiful smile, while our hearts touched each other's silently. As you clasped your hand with mine, holding tight and whispering softly, it was the melodic music of love I heard. Every word embraced with love, with eyes full of desire.
It was a beautiful time together, filled with smiles, laughs and memories. As I laid my head on your chest listening to the silent of your breaths, hearing the beating of your heart and feeling the softness of your fingers dancing on my hair. I closed my eyes to feel every single moment we are together and mostly to feel your love for me.
Love, we found was eternal as we are bonded with a soul relation and even with little arguments, misunderstandings, and long silences we have struggled through all obstacle to come this long little journey. I never knew that I could love you this much or my little heart can take all the love you give. You loved me with all my imperfections and all my curves and through the time we reaped a deep understanding, we matured our love in simple ways which made this bond even stronger.
To day as I look back the path we have come, I'm happy that we have become our strength and every encouraging from you is all I need to jump all the puddles and your love is my strength to face the hurdles with out fear. There are so many things I want to say when I look in you, but I have saved all those words for you to understand silently.
Thank you my love for loving me and tolerating my madness with you, thank you for understanding me with out judgment and mostly thank you for choosing me to share your life and I promise you to love even more you ever loved me....... 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:29 PM, ,

Silent pledge

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                                 Pic - Google

Some hearts are broken and mended, others are shattered and torn, although it was never intended, for love is eternally sworn, I've cried and prayed and pleaded, for love to hold it's ground, hope was all I needed and pain was all I found.

When I was a kid I used to think being in love was something magical, something special. But when I fell for you all my expectations of love shattered. I thought you loved me, you said you loved me, but now you are leaving me for my own good. This is not the fairy tale story I wanted. I loved you, I still do, but now I'm brokenhearted, I let you in, I gave you my all, but despise them all you walked away. You said we'd always be together, and you promised ......

I know there are some things you can't change. I know there are some situations where apologies hold no bearings. I know that twists of fate bring people together, and sometimes everything happens for a reason that can tear them apart. I know, that I will never forget you, for you will always have a place in my heart

I gave you my heart trusting of not hurting.....Now it's in pieces and you're no longer around. I know you don't deserve me anymore but I just can't let you go...All those silent moments we shared will always stay in my heart. Now I'm sitting here all alone staring at your pictures which I treasure so much wishing you were here with me, but I know you won't come back and that's what hurts the most. 

I hide my tears when I say your name, but the pain in my heart is still the same. Although I smile and seem carefree, there is no one who misses you...more than me. Sometimes I wish I never became so close to you, that way it wouldn't be as hard saying goodbye. 

I'm completely out of words about how I feel about you.. I don't even know why I still love you knowing that you have already broken my heart a hundred times and yet, I am still deeply in love with hope that you'll soon realize how much I really love you and that you'll feel the same way about me too. No matter how many times I tell myself I'm over you, I always still find myself thinking about you and I'll wait all my life loving you silently and waiting for you to come to me again.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:42 PM, ,

Through my window

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                                  Pic - Google

As I looked at the full moon through my window,  the beauty and the glow and the little stars surrounding swiped out all my emotions with the memory of you and my heart felt an unbearable  pain. As the eyes poured the pain in tears, helplessly I walked back to the past which don't belong to me or us anymore.....

Through tears I smiled as even for a short period you loved me, you truly loved me and I knew that. I loved you so dearly and you felt that. I held on to you tightly thinking I belong there, forever but I was wrong. You never belong to me or we to us, we belonged only to a time in our life which is unforgettable in our whole life. Every little scar has left with an untold story to the world but to you and me every scar is a mark of our love and our time together. 

I wish I could still bury my head on your chest for a long moment while I felt your fingers dancing on my hair. As I close my eyes to search your love in silence. For hours we had stayed in each others arms listening to music which we share together. Each song has our story and every lyric made us remind who we are. As your lips gently touch mine, I knew that my heart would never stop at another man ever again and yet they are all lost in just a memory. All the magical touches you have left me with is all that will remain of you and I still look over my window and the stars above thinking that you will walk back to me one day.....

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:00 AM, ,

It must have been love

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                                 Roxette - It must have been love

In the darkest hours of the nights with the deepest of emotions, I lay awake thinking of you.......tears rolling down my cheeks and wetting my pillow as all my heartache and my soul bleeds to death. Though I keep saying that I'm letting you go, I have found that its a lie I cheat my self on. Every single minute is haunted  by your memories and every memory has your significance in my heart.    

It's hard to close the doors of the past and it's harder to look ahead when the scars still bleed to ache but I keep on looking back on whats left of you in my life. Every time I hear your name, or every time my heart tempt to look into your pictures, memories flash back so fast that I close my eyes just to hold my self. Every time you cross my mind, I battle within my self to hold back my tears which keeps pouring down with just a flicker of thought on you. 

I miss all the little things we did together, I miss all the jokes and happy times with the stolen moments and magical kisses and the frozen memories ...I miss all you gave and all I had...I miss your smile and words and mostly I miss you my love. I know my tears or my words would not bring you back but though you moved on forgetting me, I'm still where you left me.....hurt, broken and lost

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:10 AM, ,

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