Hell That We Make
Thursday, August 9, 2012
My life was just sailing with out an unknown destiny. Life was lonely and I was away from home working in the city and working as receptionist in a reputed company. At the age of 23 I was already tired of hardships of my life and I needed to care of my family from the salary I got . My room mate sheila also work with me but she is more independent than I am . She enjoy her life like a free bird and her fiance spend quite a lot of money on her clothes and accessories . I wish I also had a man to love and care for me but I'm not attractive or beautiful and I never had a lover in my life.
One day Sheila asked me to accompany her to a party which her fiance gave and I agree to go with her as I wanted to touch her glamorous life . It was indeed a wonderful party and I met lot of young men and some were interested in me .
It was a new experience to me and I liked it . When Hemal came and spoke to me I felt happy and special . He spend whole time with me and by end of the day I fell madly in love with him . He is a businessman and have a modern new car which he gave me a lift to my apartment . We met the next day and before a week he took me to his room where I became a woman by him. It became a habit in my life and one day when he took me to his room there were two of his friends and all three of them had liquor while I prepared them dinner. They were drunk and one of his friends came to me and raped me . I screamed for help but they all laughed and in the end I had to satisfy three men all night long . Those men including the man I loved paid me handsomely for what they took from me by force. That night changed my whole life . From that day on wards I had high demands from men and from other words I became a prostitute .
I was good in what I did and each day I had new customers and they kept coming back . I had so much money that I led a luxurious life . I bought things that could have never been mine . I owned a beautiful house and a new car . I became the master of my own self . I began to have foreigners and they paid me very well . Time passed by me enjoying life and providing my services until one day I got so sick that I was taken to hospital by my maid . After so many medical tests I was confirmed as a HIV positive patient and my whole world collapse on those words . Even i don't know how or when I got it but now at the age of 28 my life is going down the pipes. It was so scary and I missed having a shoulder to cry on or to hold me at my weakest . I'm not blaming anyone for what happened to me but wish thousand times that I knew the difference between love and attraction . I loved Hemal , but he had never loved me only used me for his sexual desires and for his pleasures . I kept on thinking if he had loved me and protected me as a true lover things would have been different , but now it's late to make things right.
We women love to be loved and when men show love and kindness we loose our selves to them and go to any extend to do anything to make them happy . We forget our value as a human and become slaves. Love is a feeling you feel in your heart and not in words . Love is respect and understanding . Love is protecting and valuing . Love is honesty and trust . Mostly love is a strong bond between two heart who will go on a life time journey , loving and taking care of each other .
Lastly I would like to scream to all women to choose your partner wisely or most of you would end up where I am today . Words can't express my feelings of hurt, pain and guilt but I'm paying for my mistakes.
It was a new experience to me and I liked it . When Hemal came and spoke to me I felt happy and special . He spend whole time with me and by end of the day I fell madly in love with him . He is a businessman and have a modern new car which he gave me a lift to my apartment . We met the next day and before a week he took me to his room where I became a woman by him. It became a habit in my life and one day when he took me to his room there were two of his friends and all three of them had liquor while I prepared them dinner. They were drunk and one of his friends came to me and raped me . I screamed for help but they all laughed and in the end I had to satisfy three men all night long . Those men including the man I loved paid me handsomely for what they took from me by force. That night changed my whole life . From that day on wards I had high demands from men and from other words I became a prostitute .
I was good in what I did and each day I had new customers and they kept coming back . I had so much money that I led a luxurious life . I bought things that could have never been mine . I owned a beautiful house and a new car . I became the master of my own self . I began to have foreigners and they paid me very well . Time passed by me enjoying life and providing my services until one day I got so sick that I was taken to hospital by my maid . After so many medical tests I was confirmed as a HIV positive patient and my whole world collapse on those words . Even i don't know how or when I got it but now at the age of 28 my life is going down the pipes. It was so scary and I missed having a shoulder to cry on or to hold me at my weakest . I'm not blaming anyone for what happened to me but wish thousand times that I knew the difference between love and attraction . I loved Hemal , but he had never loved me only used me for his sexual desires and for his pleasures . I kept on thinking if he had loved me and protected me as a true lover things would have been different , but now it's late to make things right.
We women love to be loved and when men show love and kindness we loose our selves to them and go to any extend to do anything to make them happy . We forget our value as a human and become slaves. Love is a feeling you feel in your heart and not in words . Love is respect and understanding . Love is protecting and valuing . Love is honesty and trust . Mostly love is a strong bond between two heart who will go on a life time journey , loving and taking care of each other .
Lastly I would like to scream to all women to choose your partner wisely or most of you would end up where I am today . Words can't express my feelings of hurt, pain and guilt but I'm paying for my mistakes.
Labels: Women
posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:41 PM,
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