Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Open Letter To Your Husband

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My dearest husband
I've been trying to gather my words to write to you for a long time but i couldn't think how to put my thoughts on words . Every time I try to write I keep thinking of our wedding day and every thing that happened afterwards. Can you remember how much we loved each other ? We both were very young when we fell in love but we both knew how to love each other even at young age . What a beautiful future we dreamt together. Today after decade of marriage and becoming parents we have lost that dream . We didn't dream for wealth or luxuries but for happiness and love , and what we didn't get is exactly that . At very young age I came to you and without any experience of the outer world and I needed you to love me and care for me which you did. You loved me and I knew you did and i made you my world . I cared for you and loved you and did every thing to please you . Our world was simple and we were happy and it became complete with our first baby in this world . Getting use to a baby was not easy but we both wanted to do it by our self and you helped me in every single thing .

Together we enjoyed every moment of our daughter and slowly you became busy with your work and in your own carrier and i never complain but helped you with what I can . When our second baby came things were different and you were so busy that without complain I did every thing my self . There were so many sleepless nights for me and days became too tiring and millions of times thought you were there , but you were lost in your own world and I always gave you space to archive your goals in life . I felt lonely without you and wished you could just look into my heart and feel how much I needed you and your love , but you were just too busy to notice the tears in my eyes when I looked at you . Slowly i began to live without you in my life and it was surrounded with my children .

I did my duty as a wife but things change when you treated me harshly and every word that came from you hurted me . I cried , I cried for days and those words always ripped my heart . Every day I became your prisoner and took all your mistreating s because I had to go on for my children .  You will never understand how I felt , how much tears I've shred.....How much I felt a lone and frightened. There were times I looked upon you for guidance and strength but you never had time for me and there were so many times I felt helpless . Every thing between us created distance and slowly we began to live in our own worlds. There were many times you said me to leave your house knowing that I have no where to go . Did you ever think how much those words will hurt me or wound me ? Did you ever think that I'm also a human made like you who could feel the pain just like you ? No, you thought I was a woman who can take all your hurting words on me ....only if you knew how much I cried ....only if you knew how much they hurted ....only if you knew that i bared all that because i loved you ....IF ONLY YOU KNEW .

I learnt bitter lessons alone and I don't want to give up my love for you . I loved you once and I still have that love inside me . I may not have given my best but now I know I'm giving you all the love i have for you. I want to be your wife , your mother , your friend and your lover. I know you love to be loved and pampered . I know you love the touch of my fingers on your hair and the little stolen kisses I take from you, but what you never realized was that I like the same love from you . Little touches and stolen glances with secret kisses and loving words are simple ways of making me feel you love me . Like you I love to be loved and feel it but it hurts when you don't love me even a little. When I see my friends and the place they have in their husband's lives I feel sorry for my self , but I never let you know how I felt because I know you would just hurt me words . There were so many things I never told you though I wanted to share every single thing with you .

I never had the freedom to express my self not because you wouldn't listen but because you never made me free from emotional prison you held me in .   I want to love you more and I want you to feel my love . I want to be your strength in all hurdles of life . I want to pamper you and care for you . Let me start all over again to gain what I couldn't archive and I humbly request you to love me with all your heart and let me feel it in my blood , veins and body....


I Will Always Love You .....

Your loving wife

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 3:39 PM,

30 Comments:

At August 4, 2012 at 3:48 PM, Anonymous Shi said...

Great post.

But I would love to see all this (or at least part of it) happening on ground. Why do you take me as guranted?

 
At August 4, 2012 at 3:53 PM, Blogger Durrani said...

Very touching. Excellent!

 
At August 4, 2012 at 4:21 PM, Anonymous Power Angel said...

This so touching and while reading tears were runing down my cheeks . This is the unhears whispers of every wife .

 
At August 4, 2012 at 4:26 PM, Anonymous Shetha said...

Speechless. You made me cry.

 
At August 4, 2012 at 5:08 PM, Anonymous Amila Gunasekera said...

I read this letter over and over again and every time it opened my wound which was closed for past 5 years. I fell in love with my wife in my work place . She was every thing i wanted and after few months we got married . We had 3 kids and my wife devorted her whole life to kids education . I felt that while she was busy with kids that i felt lonely and i tried to builtmy own world with friends . I came home late and partied a lot .My wife never complained and she kept my house beautiful and did every thing as a wife should do . But i never compliment or made her hubby . She was trapped in the world of mother and wife but never complain . In the mean time i got involve with a new girl in my office and i went home late . I was enjoying my time with my GF and even made regular sex which i enjoyed . I spent so much to buy her latest fashions and jewllery and i was madly in love her .
With time my wife got sick and i didn't even had time to take her to hospital so her sister was the one who took her to doctor and i was busy with my new GF that i didn't bother to find out . She was in and out of hospital and after 2 years she was so sick and was vomiting blood so i took her to hospital and was shocked to know that my wife had cancer for the past 2 years, and she was living her last few hours . My whole world collapsed and at that time she was unconsiuose and i just didnt even have time to say that i loved her . After 3 hours she died and upto today i felt guilty and blamed my self for every thing i did for her.
I cant remember the day i bought her a gift for her birthday or took her to a movie or bought her a dress or at least laughed with her . But she never complained and now i know how much pain she must have had in heart .

Your letter is her pain . Her tears and her curse. Only if i had paid attention to her more . If only i had loved her the way she did . I will suffer my whole life for this and i desrve it .

 
At August 4, 2012 at 5:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your letter is the most touching letter i read so far . You know how to make people cry . Excellent !!

 
At August 4, 2012 at 5:33 PM, Anonymous Malika said...

Every woman go through this night mare mainly because men are so selfish. Nice letter though.

 
At August 4, 2012 at 5:51 PM, Anonymous Sushendra said...

Superb. We women are always suffering and you have shouted to the world of their pain . Well done !!

 
At August 4, 2012 at 5:55 PM, Anonymous Sushil said...

Well , i must say this is a very painful letter but remeber men also must have same reasons to cry but what happens is it's always women who get the symperthise of the world . We men also cry but the world dont pity on us .

 
At August 4, 2012 at 6:08 PM, Anonymous LG said...

You made me cry girl. Your blog is different from all other i'm visiting . You talk with experience and you write in a way that touch the depths of heart . Most blogs have boring lectures but you have made blogging different . Keep up , you have a good future in this blogging world .

 
At August 4, 2012 at 7:14 PM, Anonymous Masha W. said...

Wonderfully written!
I am not sure how effective the "Silently suffering and playing the traditional role of a wife" is. I've always believed in speaking up and freeing myself to be the best I can be. I've known "Emotional pain" that lives with you day in an day out and it robs a woman of her happiness and light! Which should never be!!

Everyone needs boundaries and should know the consequences; that goes for both men and woman. You let someone walk all over you and they would keep pushing it until you say "stop! You can't walk all over me and mistreat me in the name of love". And I understand that the wife in this letter loves her husband, but I wonder how many wives out there like her, who try to hide under the misconception "I have to suffer because I love him" or "my children" mantra. In my opinion love doesn't suffer; love let go. Love is beautiful and it frees us to be our fullest potential.

I hear the wife's pain and I understand. But does she get my sympathy? I am not sure. Because I am a believer in taking action. Suffering silently doesn't really make sense.
Every woman is responsible for her happiness. But I must say that as women we should know when to love and when to walk away.

I've been raised to believe in a woman's strength and believe I shall! I've been taught to believe in the happiness of the heart and believe I will! I only hope the wife in this letter will have the courage to let go and embrace the true happiness and true love; The freedom to realize her potential and the wonderful feeling of loving herself.

 
At August 5, 2012 at 2:42 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Shi....
Thank you for your comment. Marriage is between two different people and it is natural to have arguments or mismatches but what's important is the understanding of each other and open communication which is becoming very distant these days . You will see more post on this in future .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 2:42 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Durrani .....
Thank you so much for your lovely comment.

 
At August 5, 2012 at 2:45 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Power Angel....
Thank you for your comment and if i made you emotional then i have succeed in my task. Yes , this is the story of most wives and it is important to look what made them so sad in the boundaries of marriage .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 2:53 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Shetha....
Thank you for your comment ..

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:09 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Amila Gunasekera.....
Your story is very sad and indeed very emotional. Marriage is never easy and what makes the journey of marriage interesting is the differences between the two people. A wife is person who bear every thing silently for the family and people she love . It is true that when the wife become a mother she gets busy and there's little time to spend with the husband , but if husbands could kindly understand the situation and help her with the house hold chores i don't think a husband would feel lonely in marriage . A husband don't have the permission to cheat on the wife what's so ever . And reading your story i felt how much you have neglected your own wife who gave birth to your own kids. Your wife was suffering from cancer for 2 years and yet you didn't notice tears in her eyes or pain in her heart. What a distance you have created with the woman who you loved once ....
I'm not judging you but think why your wife kept her illness as a secret from you , coz she knew how much pain you will be in when you knew she was dying...What a wonderful wife she must have been ???
I leave one question for you ....how would you feel if your wife cheated on you ?

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:10 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Anonyomous....
Thank you for your comment .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:14 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Malika ....
Thank you for your comment . I don't think it's only men who are selfish but women as well, but maily in asian countries most women play the role of full time house wife which gives the husband the freedom to meet different people and to move with society. We are humans and getting attracted to someone is common but taking that further ahead when you have husband/wife of your own , then it will create unwanted problems .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:16 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Sushendra....
Thank you for your comment . More than a shout this is a silent whisper from heart of asian women . This the untold story of their pain . Marriage should never be pain but a journey together.

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:19 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Sushil....
Thank you for your comment. Yes, i agree with you that men also have same reasons to cry. But such cases are rare comparing to women. Women being weak in strength is the reason for pettiness, but modern women are too smart to be pitied these days .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:21 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ LG...
Thank you so much for your encouraging words . I don't know how different my blog is from others but as you say i touch reality of life and i think i mostly try to do justice to women .

 
At August 5, 2012 at 3:28 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Masha W.....
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. This letter is the pain of most asian wives who suffer alone and also most asian wives are not independent to walk out of marriage with their head high .This is the main reason why women are trapped in a suffering marriage.
Western women are not in this situation as they are independent and lead their way of life with out any influence . The younger generation nowadays are more straight headed than their parents so maybe in future we may not see these types of sufferings but more of divorecess and living together's..

 
At August 7, 2012 at 9:55 AM, Anonymous Shi said...

I am very intereting conversation going on here.

 
At August 7, 2012 at 11:15 AM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ shi...
Thank you for your keen interest on this .

 
At August 7, 2012 at 1:47 PM, Anonymous Shi said...

I wish you also visit my blog and see what I am upto there. I would love if you reciprocate. Willl you?

 
At August 7, 2012 at 1:53 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

I did visit your blog and found it very interesting . Thank you for sharing . I will make it a habit to visit your blog .

 
At August 14, 2012 at 4:29 PM, Blogger Deb Sistrunk said...

A powerful letter, exquisitely written, that will touch the hearts of many.

 
At August 14, 2012 at 5:35 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Deb Sistrunk....
Thank you for the encouraging words. This is the inner story of many Asian wives and hope who read this would love and respect their wives more.

 
At August 15, 2012 at 5:42 AM, Blogger Jalal Hameed said...

Very moving - neither men or selfish nor women. But their perceptions are different, if only both understand

 
At August 15, 2012 at 9:50 AM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

@ Jalal Hameed.....
Thank you so much for your views on this post and i agree with you .The most important aspect in marriage ia understanding . Lack of understanding between the two parties will only create distance and unwanted issues and sometimes simple issues which could have sorted out simply would go a long way coz of ones lack of understanding or act of selfishness.

 

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