My journal
Thursday, August 23, 2012
It's been eleven months and today a hidden wound was opened in my heart. Tears dropping like a river from my eyes and how much I tried I can't stop them . Writing this today has made me think of the past and every single memory stored in there . Do you know how much I cried for you ? how much I tried to protect what we shared ? But my tears or my efforts didn't stop you or your cruel heart .
I met you through a proposal and the moment I saw you I thought you could be a good husband and after getting to know you for a short period of time we got married a lived separately . I gave up working and became a full time house wife for you . You are a doctor by profession and never had a fixed time to come home and I understood your duties and responsibilities fully. Time slowly passed by and we became parents of a little baby son . Our son kept me busy and I was happy doing every thing by my self as I know being a doctor your duty was to help your patients who came to you with hope and confidence . You were a good doctor and was famous in your own field of Pediatrics . You came home at late nights and your excuse always was that you had so many patients and other private hospitals to visit . I never suspected you and believed every word you said .
Slowly I began to notice change in you . You spent more time out of house and when I began to complain you said you have many patients and earning for our own future and i believed you , but what liar you had been . One day my best friend called and told me that she saw you with another woman in a famous fashion boutique . I was shocked and that moment you have no idea how much I cried . I felt scared and helpless but rather than asking you I wanted to know more about you and her and I did . It was the most painful time in my life knowing that my husband find a sanctuary in another woman's arms . How can you leave me and our son and go to another woman and be a father to another son ? It was not easy to control the pain or the tears or the anger I felt for you . There were times I wanted to scream at you for cheating on me but GOD gave me strength to prepare my self for greater battles and silently I prayed GOD to give me peace .
After a month one day at dinner you came to me with and my worst nightmare was the words I heard from you . You wanted a divorce and you said that you are in love with a woman who works with you in the same hospital . You said she was a divorce and had a 8 year old son and you felt sorry for her and you helped her and in the end you fell in love with her . I kept looking at you , tears pouring down my cheeks , my heart tore into million piece's and into your eyes looked . There was no love for me or for my son in your heart or you will never be harsh to take a such derision . I love you and I still do but I knew there was no hope for us to be together as a family and I agreed to give you a divorce. I know you have been blind with your new love or you would have thought what would happen to the woman you once loved and married and to our son who is going to grow up without a father . I saw the smile in you when I agreed and for the first time I hated you . Rather than thinking of my pain you were thinking of your new life with her . Very soon the legal documents were ready and one Monday morning under the blazing sun of the Magistrate court premise's you left me and my son and walked out of our lives permanently.
It was not easy for me to see you go and the days that followed were a living hell. I cried and cried and I asked GOD what wrong I did to you .....I couldn't eat or sleep and my family stood beside me with my closest friends . They did every thing to cheer me up but it was not easy . I kept on thinking of you and times we enjoyed and our son . Days were long for me filled with pain and most of times I slept and nights became too painful and I used to cuddle your pillow and cry till morning . I lost hope in every thing and neglected my self , and I barely went out . I prisoned my self inside and didn't wanted to see anyone . There were times that I thought while I suffer , that you must be smiling with her . While my son ask for his father you must be fathering another child who is not yours .
After months of pain and tears I finally was able to move on with the help of all the people who loved me . I was able to find a teaching post in a nursery for younger kids and I enjoyed it very much . All my mornings were in the school and when I came home I had plenty of work to do and our son kept me very busy . Slowly my thoughts on you faded away and I gain courage to move on . You did cross my mind on and off but most of time I began to value my self and my new life with my son . There were times our son asked for you but after all these months even he realized that you will not come and he stopped asking about you .
Today I wrote this on my journal because to day our son turned 5 years and together we celebrated . He had some of his friends for his birthday and hid grandparents and all his aunts and uncles . He was so happy and i felt proud of him . I felt proud of our son and for a single moment we didn't miss you and finally we have let you go from of our lives . Together me and my son have found happiness and I hope where ever you are that you are happy with your new family.
posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:49 PM,
10 Comments:
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At August 23, 2012 at 1:04 PM,
said...
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Very touching and true story of most divorcess. You are becoming the voice of Lanka. Keep up !!
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At August 23, 2012 at 1:34 PM,
Power Angel said...
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I have seen women who suffer alone when they are on divorce and this post is very touching coz it represent all women who suffer. Well written ..
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At August 23, 2012 at 6:37 PM,
LG said...
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I'm a divorcee and i'm trying absorb what you say . Divorce is hard t o both parties and difficult to face . I married my wife in a affair and we had 2 kids but after 10 years of marriage i got attracted to another woman and fell madly in love . I'm sorry to say but once i began to love her i couldn't love my own wife as my gf gave me so much than my wife .
My ex wife must have gone through the agony you talk about but she couldn't be a good wife and that is why i got attracted to another. Remember every divorce have two sides and it's always may not be the mans fault . In some cases men go to other women coz of their own .
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At August 24, 2012 at 3:50 PM,
Jalal HB said...
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Quite a moving post. Partings are always painful - but I still wish you well and good life
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At August 26, 2012 at 11:28 PM,
Unknown said...
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@ Krishan Perera ....
Thank you so much for the encouraging words . This true in most cases and my aim is to make world see how much a woman suffer and that people need to treat women with more love and respect .
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At August 26, 2012 at 11:29 PM,
Unknown said...
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@ Power Angel ...
Thank you for your comment and yes , this is the cry of women in the first stages of the divorce . But in the end they battle through this and win life , which is a must ..
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At August 26, 2012 at 11:37 PM,
Unknown said...
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@ LG .....
Thank you for your comment and i agree with you . Every story have two side and mostly what we hear and what we dont . I'm sorry that you went through the experience of divorce but in my opinion i'm confused . You loved your ex wife at one time and how can you loose to love her ? Remember at one time she is the one who you madly fell in love with . Every person has mistakes and no one is perfect but that dosent give you the right to walk out when you feel tired . I believe that no marriage is perfect and the power lies in us to make it hell or heaven ...
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At August 26, 2012 at 11:43 PM,
Unknown said...
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@ Jalal Hameed....
Thank you for your thoughts regarding this post . Yes, parting are always painful and difficult . Some times people go for divorces mostly because they have lack of understanding or they are unable to keep the love they had in beginning till end . Every man and woman married , love each other , but sometimes the way they show it is not enough to the other person and they think that their spouse don't love her/him and gets attracted to other men/women....
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At September 3, 2012 at 3:48 PM,
Kausar Bilal said...
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Nice narration...I don't know why men are so insensitive and unreliable. At one time they are dying for you and when you say YES to their invitation, they just devalue you.
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At September 4, 2012 at 10:34 AM,
Unknown said...
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@ Kausar Bilal...
Thank you for your comment and i agree that most men are unreliable . I think the way men and women think are so different by nature and with the so called male dominance they do what they desire not for a moment thinking how it would effect the wife .
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