Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Behind close doors
Monday, January 13, 2014

Bookmark and Share





Sex is the most basic yet the strongest factor in marriage and even to this day most couples in Asia are still surrounded in cultural and traditional believing and unfortunately most women still don't enjoy sex or brave enough to talk about it with their partner. Sex is the strongest bond between a husband and wife and it makes them emotionally and physically close. Unlike the western culture we in east still have boundaries which most couples are afraid to explore. Most Asian women are still traditional and sex only means getting pregnant and making of a new generation. But the beauty of sex is beyond that. It's a journey of two bodies exploring each other and enjoying each other for rest of their lives. 

The most common fact in Asia is that once babies come to the family most wives think that their duty towards the husband is done and having sex or making love becomes a once in a while event in life. What most women in Asia lack to understand is needs of a man are different from the need of a woman and by nature men has a higher physical needs than women. When this simple truth fails in marriage, the chances for a husband to get involved in a secret relationship, where he finds a woman who will satisfy his physical needs to his expectations. This may eventually lead to divorces and separations. Though most Asian women are bought up within the limits of cultural and traditional values it is important to understand that once two people are married they have every right to enjoy and explore the beauty of sex and it is also important that both husband and wife play their individual roles to make each other happy. There are no rules for great sex, only understanding each other’s likes and dislikes and the outcome of such relations are beautiful and strong.  

Most Asian women are lethargic in sexual activities and they tend to give their body to the husband rather than supporting him and enjoy their togetherness. It is the myth which they carry in their minds that women should not play an active role in bed but just to lie down lifelessly and make their partner take the ride alone. It is not a sin to enjoy a good sexual relationship with your partner and it's not a crime to enjoy a good sex even after their kids are grown up. It is time that Asian women must understand that physical relation with your partner is not a mare duty to perform but a journey to enjoy. Being naive or shy in bed room will make a woman lose not just a happy marriage but the husband as well. 

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:53 AM,

17 Comments:

At January 13, 2014 at 12:00 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

very true, I really like u r courage to post this Sajini

 
At January 13, 2014 at 12:06 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Chandana Gunatilake.....
Thank you for your lovely comment and I think it's time we need to talk about what happens behind close doors.

 
At January 13, 2014 at 12:37 PM, Anonymous Niroshini said...

This was a post worth the read. How right you are and it is true that we Asian women are not keen on making a solid sexual relationships due to variuos issues and as you say it's mainly Kids or lack of interest and reading this post you have pointed out the dangers as well and I personely think this is the main issue that we have lot of unwanted divircess and sepreations in marriage. Well done

 
At January 13, 2014 at 12:42 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Niroshini ....
Thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts on this post and I'm glad that you do agree with my view regarding this issue and as I have mentioned these do have it's own dangers and as women we should also be aware of it.

 
At January 13, 2014 at 1:13 PM, Anonymous Chintha Wickrama said...

hmmmmm, true facts

 
At January 13, 2014 at 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with you and I'm also going through this. I think my case is different as my wife lacked sexual relationship from the very first day I married her and due to 10 years of our marriage we rarely had sex and due to my addiction on the internet I got my self to watch porn and today I'm addicted to it and highly satisfied and enjoy it a lot. Your writing is a loud shout to all women as most of men I know do have other affairs behind their marriages just to enjoy the bliss of sex.
This is a excellent post and hope this message pass to all women who need to understand basic requirements of their husbands and marriage.

Cheers !

 
At January 13, 2014 at 1:23 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Chintha Wickrama......
Thank you for your comment

 
At January 13, 2014 at 1:30 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Anonymous.......
Thank you for your comment and also for sharing your personal thoughts. I do agree that it's not always the Annymous affairs that come in between but as you say getting addicted to porn sites as well. It is sad that this is a common issue among most Asian women and it is the way they were bought up from childhood. But as we understand these situations more than the earlier years I think we should openly talk to our marriageable daughters that sex is an important foundation in marriage and a a very important bond is made between a husband and wife through it and also the daughters should be taught that sex is a relation to be enjoyed between to people rather than a duty to be performed.

 
At January 13, 2014 at 2:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so true Sajini! I can't believe that in this day and age people find it difficult to discuss sex in the open. Esp if they have problems it is so hard for them to admit as they think its a taboo subject. Its very sad...Like you said esp if it is keeping couples apart and breaking up marriages. Well done for writing about this!

 
At January 13, 2014 at 4:23 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Anonymous......
Thank you for your wonderful comment and I totally agree with you. We are in modern world and we should be able to talk about the sex issues as well. It is not only breaking marriages but depression and arguments do also take place and the family environment becomes a unpleasant place to be. So many couples drift apart and create not just physical but also a emotional distances with each other and most husbands intend to find other ways to satisfy their desires.

 
At January 15, 2014 at 7:57 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Well said Saj... however there's one thing I would like to point out as when u said "It is the myth which they carry in their minds that women should not play an active role in bed but just to lie down lifelessly and make their partner take the ride alone" there's another side to this mentality as well. I believe that most Asian men think if their wives are active (i.e. play a major role in their sex acts) then they are of bad characters (in other words she is a 'whore' attitude). Therefore, I think it is a major fact which makes women think twice when it comes to play an active role in bed. I have heard this from many friends of mine as they all knew that there's something wrong and they must act wisely to save their marriages, but unfortunately due to the fact that they do not want their husbands to think that they are 'bad' they do not like to actively participate in sex (especially to initiate a sex act, etc.). Then again, this can be a myth too... so I would like to hear what the Asian men have to say about this; honestly what they think if they do ''have a very active wife'' ;)
Keep up the good work Saj xxx

 
At January 16, 2014 at 11:48 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Kanchi Thenuwara ....
Thank you Kanchi for reading and ur comment and also for pointing out a fact that we women carry around. Once a couple is married I think sex should not become just a act in the bedroom and once you walk out of the room simply forget. All likes and dislikes between two people should be talked frankly and they should have a mutual understanding of their likes and dislikes. As you say some women think that taking the lead or playing a active part in bed make the husband think that she is ''bad'' but honestly this again is a myth women carry in their heads and it's is due to the cultural and traditional environment. In Asia we think a woman who is active in bed is a experienced or a porn and it is sad that due to those reasons that most Asian women lack of enjoying a good sexual relationship. According to my survey 95% of men wanted their wives to take the main role in bed and they never think that their wife is bad but honestly they are happy with that. Every husband wants a wife who will support him in bed and give him the maximum sexual pleasure and he will also will do every thing to make the wife equally happy and this is the understanding they built. It is sad that some wives do try to hide their needs and wants coz they are afraid what their husbands think and I also wonder why married couples can't talk to their spouse of their needs...........

 
At January 16, 2014 at 8:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey people,,
try to think about the same thing with the reversed roles... there are women in our society who suffer behind closed doors because of their lethargic husbands. So try not to point your fingers only at the women and stereotype "Asian women" to be inactive in bed.

 
At January 17, 2014 at 12:58 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Anonymous......
Thank you for your comment and I do agree with you on this as well. In every issue in life there is a reverse role and the purpose of this post was to inform women about their shortcomings which effect the marriage. There are many husbands who are lethargic in bed due to various reasons and every wife suffer silently and unable to talk it over with their husbands. Will discuss this in a post very soon.

 
At February 10, 2014 at 3:35 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

very bold....but it's poking at a bee-hive.....Madhu Padincharathra,India.

 
At March 28, 2014 at 5:00 PM, Anonymous Madan g Singh said...

Very eye opener to all females across asia, men understand their physical problems when comes to men ,women do not understand our feelings.They reject us we are burden for their bodies and only expecting materistic love and affection.

 
At July 7, 2014 at 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nicely said, Saj Akki.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home



Web This Blog

Blog Roll