Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Beginning of a new life

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Getting married is something that has been done for thousands of years, and now getting a divorce is something that is becoming very common and my story also starts from here. It should have been a sad day. After a long, cruel winter that left dark days and even colder mornings, days are much sunnier and warmth have embarked the surroundings.It was coming and I knew it. The trust was gone. The love was cold. In a last ditch effort I asked him to stay with me but after ten years of endless excuses, futile therapy attempts ending in loud arguments of escalated blaming, we had come to the conclusion it was time to live apart. We thought we could make our marriage work but we can’t and with a very heavy heart we both agreed that we need to go in our different paths in life. 

I tried to remember what it was like to be married to him, and I drew a blank. I looked hard at him to see if there was any love left, and it was like trying to peer into the depths of an acquaintance. My answer was clear as the sky, there was no love, respect or gratitude left for me in those dark brown eyes and i knew i had made the right choice for the sake of my self and my two little boys. My divorce was a life changing event for the whole family though at first it was not easy but with time we got use to it and appreciated it as well.

Getting rid of the past was not easy and still some good memories hunt, but whole new life with new responsibilities lies in front of me now and i want to plan my life without mistakes which i made in the past. Yes, we all say we have moved on but I wonder if anyone realized we still carry the past with us; the past sometimes remind us to be more careful and sometimes there’s just something we cannot let go. All the energy we used when we were in a relationship left us exhausted and so little energy left to move on with our new life. It might take another few years to fill back our empty emotions and energy or maybe more, it all depends what kind of things we went through. It's a hard life and i know it but the inner voice of me shouts that i can survive this ordeal with my two sons and this is not the end of the world for me. After a very painful marriage , finally i'm able to take my own decisions and think my own way. I'm able to see things in different prospect and to step in to the world from the golden cocoon i was once trapped in.

I can go out with my boys and enjoy dinner without his complaints. I can spend time with my boys late on the weekend, laughing and just having fun, watching a movie, eating popcorn! I can take my boys to school, and be there at the end of the day to pick them up. I am able to fully love my boys unconditionally and feel their love for me so much more, since it’s only the three of us. Also, when I ask them to do their chores, like help me with the laundry or dishes, they comply. No questions asked or complaints given. What we love doing the most is spending quality time outside in our backyard doing gardening or playing with our dog.

I maybe single again and no man to love me at the moment but my two little men love me enough to hang on to this hard time through life. If i meet someone one day who can love then it will be great but if it doesn't it was never meant to be.Divorce is not a life sentence, it’s just that we get another chance to make things better and to find better love that we deserve. Not everybody get a second chance in life so why not take the opportunity. As for the void I’m feeling, I just have to live with it and hopefully able to fill it one day.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 10:42 AM,


At October 30, 2012 at 1:59 PM, Anonymous Power Angel said...

Good post. A divorce is never the end of a life but maybe a beginning of a new life as it say

At October 31, 2012 at 3:28 PM, Blogger Deb Sistrunk said...

This post really touched my heart. As Power Angel suggests, a divorce can be seen as a new beginning.

At November 1, 2012 at 7:13 PM, Anonymous Masha W. said...

What a wonderful way to look at the divorce. Wonderfully written and you ability to understand and describe in such powerful detail amaze me. Absolutely beautiful!

At November 3, 2012 at 9:40 AM, Blogger Kausar Bilal said...

A superb post, answering a question to many who think of a divorce but don't dare it...


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