Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

My broken heart

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I closed my eyes... How easily you broke my heart and walked away. How easily you shattered my dreams , our dreams. You shattered me into pieces and left me. Every passing moment I think of you and our times together. I'm struggling hard to put your memory away but every time I try to forget, you keep haunting me. Though how much I try, I find it hard to push you into past and see the beauty of other things around me. You are still part of me and it will take a long time to heal this pain you intendedly gave me.

We both had a dream and slowly we were beginning to reach that dream. Unexpectedly, you with drew your self from every thing and left me. You left me with a broken heart , a broken promise and a broken dream.When things are broken no matter how much glue or tapes you use to hide the cracks the cracks will be visible. I always had the ability to hide my cracks but where you are concern I'm weak , as the light it self reflects my scars in perfection.

We have been in this road before, you and I , but as long as we keep thinking of each other it will keep on hurting us.The feelings are hurting , the memories painful, emotions are over whelming and each time we both get carried away. In this painful run we both have been broken each others heart more times than should be allow. I was nothing till you came to my life and who I am or what I am is what I inherited from you and I wouldn't take any of it back. I owe you more than words can ever say. But time has come to let you go. It is not possible to let go of some one I loved deeply and who was by my side every step of the way. I use to lean on you at hard times and every time I felt protected and sheltered under your wing and the guidance you gave me every time I needed, were life time lessons. You gave me so much that any one could ever have and letting you go is the hardest of all. My humble heart still want you beside me , to be my strength, my courage and to be my pillar and most of all to love me. We have had our chance, our many chances. And we can't manage to get it right. So that tells me it's time to stop. I don't want to break anymore and mostly I don't want to hurt you. 

You once said to me that I'm hurting you and I didn't love you the way you wanted, how true you are. I know why you left me but just wish you gave me little more time to love you back slowly. It was a long wait for you and you lost your patience and every time you got hurt because of me. I'm sorry for every word I said to you, for every action and for keeping you for long. Loving you was the easiest and I told you so many times. You have inspired me in every way that you made me see who I am. You have changed me so much in every way that I know I cannot replace you in my life. I'm happy with things I  love most , what you gave me but I'm still holding onto you, to those beautiful memories. To the love you gave so freely and I took with a happy heart. You never understood my love to you ....my silent love.

You are hurting me immensely but it doesn't make me love you any less or forget you. Every thing you gave me will be with me and I will keep loving every moment I spent with you. But time has come to move on. I'm done holding onto you, done wishing things were different. Some things just cannot be, and despite our best efforts it appears that we are one of those things. I love you forever and for always, but I am going to disappear now. You will not find me again. I am done being broken and done carrying this broken heart. I want you to be happy in what path you choose and I promise that silently I will think of you every step of my life.

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posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:01 AM,

10 Comments:

At October 1, 2012 at 11:17 AM, Anonymous Krishan said...

How you write so emmotionally ? This is very touching and sad as well but the feeling of a broken heart is very powerful. Just wondered there's another SL writer who can write so emotionally like you :-)

 
At October 1, 2012 at 11:32 AM, Anonymous Power Angel said...

I'[m speechless in this. Too good and the way you have put the pain of a broken heart is beyond words.I also think the same as above commnetor, can anyone do better job than you?

 
At October 1, 2012 at 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was here some time back and i'm still hanging onto those beautiful memories. I couldn't move on and never will. I loved her that much. It's never done with heart and i still live in that past.

 
At October 1, 2012 at 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

:-(

 
At October 1, 2012 at 11:58 AM, Anonymous Shenaz said...

So touching. To be a writer who can make other humans emotional is a gift and it also says that this writer has a big heart.Pain is something felt deep in heart where we all do but it takes courage and words to lay out beautifully which can make other who read it feel deep in side.This blog is different from most i've seen and it has a uniquness to speak rightinto the heart. Please keep writing , you are truly amazing.

 
At October 2, 2012 at 2:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

:-(

 
At October 2, 2012 at 4:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At October 2, 2012 at 4:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK

 
At October 2, 2012 at 5:20 PM, Blogger Sajini Chandrasekera said...

Thank you all for all the encouraging words. As most of you say this is one of the most emotional posts i did and looking at comments and mails and messages i feel i was successful :-)

 
At October 4, 2012 at 11:06 PM, Anonymous Kausar Bilal said...

This is the way true love is...We can move on in life if we have to out of our rationality, but dies from inside, helpless in loving the same person for the rest of our lives...

 

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