Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

What Makes Most Relationships Fail ?
Monday, July 23, 2012

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Having a healthy relationship is an asset to life and our parents and grandparents enjoyed this asset all their lives . With the emerge of the modern society most relationships begin to fail and we see more unhappy couples and broken marriages. What made these relationships or marriages fail is a must we should discuss in open as we individuals carry different levels of mental attitudes and it's worth to take all into consideration


Relationships are all about give and take and once this is disturbed in either way the red flag is hosted. We all love to be loved and when you love your spouse and show it to them , they will love you back without any conditions . But if you expect your spouse to love you and if you ignore or take it for granted then you shouldn't be surprise if your spouse stop loving you and once the distance is created it's very difficult for you to put things back together .

Healthy relationships require partners to focus on each other's strengths, not minor weaknesses. Unfortunately, time has a way of shifting our focus on the wrong things.We all have many differences and when we focus too much on them, we can easily become irritated. It is important to keep the right perspective. It is the differences between people that make things interesting and challenging. Trying to change all the ways another person is different from you is futile and frustrating. Never the less many people still try to do it.

Good relationships are founded on honesty. Without honesty there is no trust and without trust there is no commitment. Without commitment the relationship is merely an "experiment" in the borderline of failing. Immorality is one of those non-negotiable items in life that many of us struggle hard to deny, but sooner or later reality wins out.
Immorality is doing anything intentionally that hurts another person, words included. Words are a very powerful tool which can soothe or hurt and words must be chosen carefully before you speak.

I believe that no marriage or no relationship is perfect but the power is in with us to write our own story . Real love is never about finding the perfect person , it's about becoming that person who can be loved . Soul mates are never born they are only created by understanding , compromising , loving , caring being emotionally available , vulnerable, and most of all taking the risk of contributing what's important to your partner . Rather than complaining about your partner try to be the person your partner wants you to be and with this you will definitely get the person you want in your spouse.

And finally "Relationships fail because we don't know what love is or what is required to actually love someone." And I think, due to not seeing the other person without the magic glasses, and not seeing OURSELVES through their eyes - how they view us, what they need from us, and what we're truly willing to give.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 11:37 AM,

25 Comments:

At July 23, 2012 at 12:57 PM, Anonymous Shi said...

BTW, the image is very telling. Says it all.

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:00 PM, Anonymous Shi said...

You know it, I know it, we all (almost all) know it. The relationshipp still fail. Why do they fail. Nice post.

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:41 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Shi...

Thank you so much for your comment ... I think most relationships fail coz we take love for granted and we don't try harder to keep things as the beginning of the relation . I think all are to blame here and relationships are always team work . If it's just one party who is trying harder to keep things alive then it's not successful ...both should work to gather to make any relationship work ..

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:49 PM, Anonymous Sushil said...

Thumbs up....Any one can fall in love but being in love is the hardest part because with time feelings change when we dont get love and effection we use to get . I really enjoyed reading this .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why can't people understand this simple truth ?
This really touched me and thank you for making me see what i was about to loose.

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:55 PM, Blogger Zaffariqbal Durrani said...

Shajini, I generally don't agree with your view point in your post. However, the comments you gave to shi.. I believe is the crux of it. Why they did not match your original post is altogether another question. Keep it up

 
At July 23, 2012 at 1:57 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Sushil...

I'm glad you enjoyed the post and i agree with you . Anyone can fall in love but being in love till the end is the hardest of all. But if marriage or relationship can maintain the same love , affection , respect , understanding and care till the end then i don't think feelings can change and every day you will find your love lovable

 
At July 23, 2012 at 2:00 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Anonymous...

People do understand this but they don't bother till they are about to loose their part in the relationship and if you are lucky you may succeed in getting back what you have lost....Thank you for your comment and hope you'll gain what you were about to loose .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 2:24 PM, Anonymous Shi said...

You are an expert. Tell me where is the equlibrium point [your reply to my earlier coment ref]. Where?

 
At July 23, 2012 at 2:28 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Durrani....

As always thank you so much for your comments and this is my point of view regurding the issue . We all have different point of views and if we all can think the same we would have not discuss this now . The bottom line of this topic is post is to see or in my point of view why marriages/relationships fail nowadays faster than ever before ...I think it's mostly every one becomes busy with responsibilities and duties that they create distance from their spouses . Most of us take love for granted and think that it will last for ever but we are wrong. If love is not loved and cared in return you will loose the most important relation of your life . If we can keep the love that we created in the beginning the same way till the end with love , care , respect , understanding and support then all marriages would have a better ending ..

 
At July 23, 2012 at 2:42 PM, Anonymous Jane said...

Wonderful words and really enjoyed reading it . But in my experience how much effort you put it just be a one party work and you get tired of doing it that you drift apart . Wish i read this article some time back . By the way i enjoy all post by you on this blog and hope to see more of this .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:01 PM, Anonymous Sreeni said...

Excellent writting and once i read i felt how right you are .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:13 PM, Anonymous LG said...

I got this blog link from a friend and found all your post very interesting . I'm not a writter but i'm good reader and this post is extremly well written . I agree with you fully in all what you have said and if people put more effort to make them work there would be less divorcess and unwanted commitments while married . Hope to see more of these posts from you .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:29 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Shi....
I'm not an expert on this field but i have observed than average why most marriages are not successful or why they end up in divorce. Marriage/relationship is a commitment between two different people who begins to live under one roof and share all lives trails together. They may have different opinions and views but if they are understanding then they can over come all trails . As i said before love should not end once you marry that person it should flourish more . Marriage is a game between two players who have the same goal and if they play the game right they will win the trophy .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:39 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Jane .....

Thank you so much for your comments . Yes i agree that if only one party keeps doing things it will not work and that both will drift apart and will get tired of each other . I think all need a good understanding of what marriage is , it's duties and responsibilities and that just coz they get busy in life earning , they should never neglect the most important relation in life...
I hope to post more on this type of articles in future .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:40 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Sreeni ...
Thank you for your comments and thank you for agreeing with me on this post .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 3:43 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ LG....
Thank you for visiting my blog and i'm glad that you enjoyed reading . Yes , if more effort is put into relationships not save it but to enjoy the company of your spouse , the journey would be very precious....
Yes i will post more articles on relationships .

 
At July 23, 2012 at 7:43 PM, Blogger Zaffariqbal Durrani said...

Agreed

 
At July 23, 2012 at 7:49 PM, Anonymous Twterarture said...

It is so easy to blog about such things. Ask someone who is facing difficult times :-(

 
At July 24, 2012 at 9:33 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Durrani...
Thank you :-)

 
At July 24, 2012 at 9:55 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Twterarture...

It's not easy to blog about such topics as above coz we all are different individuals with different views. We all face difficult times in relationships and i personally think that what makes a relationship interesting . What most of us do is when hard times hit we try to run away without valuing what we have.
If you are facing difficult time now doesn't mean you are about to fail but what you should do is try to find where you went wrong or what made your relationship in this situation and find solutions there . Every problem has a solution a in relationships you must learn to have patience coz decisions made in haste would only bring unhappy endings ...
Remember what made you love your spouse in the first place....so dont let that love you had for her/him be destroyed with time...

 
At August 11, 2012 at 3:32 PM, Blogger Kausar Bilal said...

Good article...but the things is people are not aware on love. Secondly,mostly one of the spouses works harder, but if their is no response at all from the other half, then what should one do?
I don't thing we should keep trying without any hope...

 
At August 11, 2012 at 3:41 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Kausar Bilal....
Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, in this modern world most people are not aware of love or value it . In most parts of Asia we women are the one's who work harder to keep the family together and it is indeed painful when one spouse put all the effort to gain nothing in the end . Relationships should be a happy journey together , not a journey force together .

 
At September 10, 2012 at 8:13 AM, Blogger Kausar Bilal said...

Dear Sajini, it's a wonderful post! Don't you think that soul mates are born but they can't be in love without effort. I think relationships fail because we don't have soul mate chemistry as the foundation of their relationship, on which they could build further. So, they could not stand the differences. And, sometimes despite being perfect, they take each other for granted or they find other things like career, self-grooming, friendships more important that eventually make a relationship fail.

 
At September 10, 2012 at 11:05 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Kausar Bilal...
Thank you once again for your lovely words . There are soul mates who are perfect match and have the best of relations . As you say there comes a time that they are more concern with other aspects in life that they take their relationship for granted . No relationship is perfect and every one needs to work on making it successful.....Love is beautiful and loosing it while you have it is stupidity....

 

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