Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Loneliness in marriage
Tuesday, November 19, 2013

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A very dear friend of mine requested me to write about the issues in marriage which we lacked to discuss in public and this is a little effort to fulfill that request .....

'' My husband stays out most of the 24 hrs including weekends, and I' m dying because of loneliness. What to do? ''
 
With years of marriage and with responsibilities on our shoulders most marriages loose the spark and usually either one of them fall into the path of loneliness. It is indeed very sad that you fall in love with someone get married and after years you feel lonely even though that person exist in your life. Usually it is the women who feels this as by nature women are very sensitive and delicate and they need love and care from the person they love. Women communicate differently than men and they bond over very emotional content whereas men shared to bond over shared activity but either of differences it is very essential for both husband and wife to communicate with each other and understand their differences and needs.
 
One of the things that women can do is to give attention to your spouse which I believe that he would return but as the economy also plays a vital role in life but husbands are busy to fulfill all family requirements that they forget that his wife is in deed for constant love and attention. As for wives also need to understand this situation and they can get them selves involved in activities which in her interests which will keep her mind off and maybe she can earn and contribute some thing for the family as well.

It is a right of a woman to talk to her husband about what she feels and what she need from him and they together should discuss and find remedies how to make their marriage work with one of the spouse being neglected or lonely. This may be difficult at first as most husbands are use to a pattern for years and they may not be able to change this but I believe that it is a responsibility of a husband to keep the wife happy inside the family as the mother/wife is the strength in every family and if she is not happy it is natural to see the whole family falling down. Every husband should give priority to the wife and family and when they don't or if a husband make a wife feels lonely due to hectic work loads or to his other requirements I personally think that there are more chances that she may feel depressed and if she meets some other who give her attention ,she will seek for new company where she is felt wanted, cared and loved. it will be a place where she will not feel lonely and always being appreciated. These anonymous relationships have the power to ruin most marriage and this is mainly due to the negligence of the husbands ......
 
So as a husband it is much necessary to make your wife wanted. Share things with her which may be related to your carrier or maybe in office and make some time of the day to spend with her and to take her out once in a while and also to help her with her interest and encourage her in things which she is more capable  of. These are little things which every husband can do for the happiness of family and specially to the woman he loves.

posted by Sajini Lakshika Chandrasekera @ 12:52 PM,

7 Comments:

At November 19, 2013 at 1:59 PM, Anonymous Kausar Bilal said...

WOW Sajini for a wonderful post. It's a real issue and your solution is very simple. It's just a matter of little attention that can sort out all the complexities of the matter for both parties. Thanks for your advisory services. I believe you are a very good counselor for social issues. Keep addressing them...:)

 
At November 19, 2013 at 4:37 PM, Anonymous Niroshini said...

This simply worth reading. Love the way you have balance this post with a unique understanding of the bond of marriage. Even I think you are amazing and think you do good being a counselor.

 
At November 19, 2013 at 8:13 PM, Anonymous Kausar Bilal said...

I just want to add a thing that there is no substitute of love except love. We can try other options like pursuing our careers, studies, interest & hobbies, socialization, but by the end of the day we realize that we are not happy, though our activities have nurtured us in many other ways. Rather, sometimes, our growth makes us more sensitive and aware on our loneliness or on being unloved.

 
At November 19, 2013 at 8:31 PM, Anonymous Nirosha said...

well Saj....as a counselor i come across this quite often and this is exactly what I say. only difference between your blog and me is that i say this to people who need to hear this and you just published it...Laso I would like to add that the western concept of midlife crisis is also related to this issue. well said and well done Saj.. I do read all your work but I don't much comment...yet this made me want to congradulate you ...

 
At November 20, 2013 at 11:00 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Kausar Bilal

I fully agree with both your comments and this is mainly a issue in Asian countries than the West. Most Asian women are brought up in a very traditional way and they are being fenced into a typical life from childhood and when they enter marriage and after kids are grown they need more of love from their husband. I believe the solid bond of marriage is love, respect and understanding and when of them lack slowly all will come down eventually. Most husbands are busy nowadays and come home late but I don't think that's a reason or an excuse to neglect your wife or your children.
We have seen how most marriages fail with time as the importance given to the spouse is either neglected or disrespected. And the moment this happens a distance is created between husband and wife and they may find other ways to seek companionship which will only end up not only ruining their marriage but them selves as well.
So I think it is wise to understand the situation and corporate with each others needs and respect them as the marriage is a bond between a husband and wife for life.

 
At November 20, 2013 at 11:02 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Niroshini
Thank you so much for your lovely words and this was my first attempt on this subject and I'm overwhelmed by the response and hope to do more on this subject in near future.

 
At November 20, 2013 at 11:13 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

@ Nirosha

Thank you so much for your support and kind words and much appreciated. I think these are issues we still talk behind closed doors or keep it to our selves. I think it's time to talk in public of the problems marriages face and this is a little effort to make others participate here and talk about their issues on their marriages.

 

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